A Quick Hello!

April...4 months into the year, already?

This year...I haven't decided what it is yet. Good? Bad? Is it really fair to put a huge label on a time of flowing emotions?

I have spent a large amount of time being anxious of future happenings and have reflected on most of my time as being unpleasant. Is it my job's fault? Am I not where I'm supposed to be? Or is it, simply but sadly, me? Am I incapable of being positive about my life?


I'm not going to dwell on these thoughts for this post. I just want to say that these thoughts are constantly a part of me. They are why I do not write blog posts. They are why I do not spend time doing things. Happy things. Simple things.

Hopefully it won't be so long until next time!

Summertime Sadness

Here again...

Moaning?
Being Negative?
Ungrateful?
Sad and struggling?


I don't want to write those things. I'm fed up of myself and my bleak thoughts manifesting in writing.
I want to be light and positive and thrilled to be here. I'm aware of how wonderful life is and how lucky I am to have a chance to live it, especially being so blessed. I am thankful for that... really I am!

So i just want you to know although I feel weak in this life I also see the beauty it offers. I see it, I do. One day I will make myself better.

My thoughts on: Quiet by Susan Cain

I have recently finished reading the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking and throughout I have found myself reflecting on the words along the way. So, here I am, an introvert as I now will proudly call myself, reflecting on and giving thanks to this book.

Along the way I have found myself nodding along, taking notes and replying aloud usually something like "That's me!". This book has not not only helped me understand myself better but it has also empowered me to feel good about myself. I would describe myself as quiet, sensitive and sometimes shy and before reading this book I would have most certainly have felt that these attributes were 'weaknesses'. The society I live in praises and commends extroverts while pushing introverts to become more extroverted. I've always felt like a minority and often find it hard to find someone like me, someone I realise who is more introverted and sensitive than others. Believing that there is something wrong with me, or that I am not as good as my extrovert society believes me to be, is where a lot of my anxiety comes from. My anxiety is strong when I think I am weak. This book, however, has made me think of myself differently and to see what I thought were 'weaknesses' as amazing qualities to feel proud of.

I am quiet. I am highly sensitive. I do love music, nature and art. I do feel strong emotions and I do avoid the news and violent movies because I am highly empathetic. This is me...but is there something wrong with being this way? No.


Also, I am sad about the decision a majority in my country voted for this week. I do not like to discuss politics and I'm not going to but what I would like to say is... I, personally, will continue to love and support the EU. 

The blues

2016 hasn't been the best. I know, it's still April but I'm feeling meh about the year already. Work has been extra hard, my Gran died and I'm just feeling scared of the future.  I'm writing this in my Easter holidays and although I should be happy to have 2 weeks off I feel like I've had no break at all. No break from worry and sadness :( I don't know if whether, I'm a terrible, ungrateful person or this is depression talking. Either way I need to make more of an effort. I need to make an effort to see the good, to go with the flow and to try to push the worry away.

Here is a reminder to myself:
I am not as bad as I think or say I am. I need to be more positive about myself and my life. Remember:

http://theloveyourselfchallenge.tumblr.com

Quote of the Week!

January for me has been: struggling to readjust, eating very unhealthy and just getting through. Already there has been 6 days of February and it already feels like more of the same. I'm not very motivated and I'm still dealing with low moods and anxiety but I feel like there are lots of us feeling the same.

Have patience. Don't give yourself a hard time for having bad days, weeks or months. Allow yourself to feel and believe in better days.

Katie Daisy

This is a lovely print I came across on Pinterest. I do love discovering beautiful, inspiring art. Have you come across any inspiring pieces? Care to share?

2015

Remember my anxieties for 2015...( hello January )
Well it turned out pretty good!

I feel so thankful that I made it through things that I was completely scared about and felt incapable to do. I'm thankful that other people see something in me, that sometimes, I don't see myself and I'm thankful that the universe takes me places that I wouldn't normally volunteer to go. Of course anxiety has accompanied me through every step of 2015 but I still did things that quite frankly I'm proud of.

So here's my little recap of 2015:

January

-I started working full time (1/2 student, 1/2 real work)
-A friend's engagement party 
-Coffee with friends 
-Lunches in town with mam

February 

-Had a nice meal at Prezzo with friends on Valentine's day
-Made some Nutella and strawberry filled pancakes 
-Coffee with colleagues
-Eastenders LIVE





March

-Celebrated a friend's birthday with an indian 
-Got offered a job :)
-A cold and windy walk on the beach 
-Bought myself a new laptop

April

-Easter dinner and games 
-Sunny day in Cardiff
-We had baby chicks in work 
-Ben Howard in concert

 May

-Gerard's last game for Liverpool
-Eurovision, nibbles and Desperado (Sweden won!)
-Went to see Pitch Perfect 2 in cinema

June  

-Bought James Bay's Chaos and the Calm
-Started watching the series Humans
- A walk around Craig-y-nos


July

-Celebrated my birthday with a day trip to Gloucester
-Red arrows
-Fruit coolers in Costa


August

-Beach walk
-Went to see Jurassic World in the cinema
-Day out with friends in Tenby

September 

-Family wedding 
- Unemployment and feelings of guilt
-Went to see Dreamboats and Miniskirts
-Lunar eclipse


October

- Went to see Blood Brothers 
- Back in work  
-Went to a friend's Hen do

November

-  A friend's wedding
- Afternoon tea with friends
- Food in Mamma Mia's

December 

-Christmas do
-Scary interview but I got the job!
-Bought myself an iphone6 
- Night out with friends
- A lovely Christmas with family  

Have yourself a merry little Christmas...

It's been a while!

Since last time, I was offered a temporary job-accepted it- felt incredibly anxious and realised maybe this job wasn't for me- plucked up the courage to phone back two days later and turn down the job- was told that they wanted me for the job and wasn't going to take no for an answer- accepted the job again- started the job- realised I was actually okay at this job- applied for a permanent job in the same workplace- had a scary interview- and got the job!! PHEW.

I should be happy, yes? I should take it as a sign that I am doing a good job and that I am wanted, yes?

I'm still anxious. I'm still scared. I still feel that I'm going to do something terribly wrong and that I'm not going to be good enough. This sucks.

BUT on the more positive side...Christmas holidays are coming soon and I can spend time with loved ones.  I can listen to my new Nashville Christmas CD I bought today- woop!


Here are some lovely pictures taken from pinterest to cheer us all up:

Pinterest

www.stephsayshello.co.uk

Pinterest

Pinterest

 

 

Tumblr

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pinterest

How special and cosy is that last picture? Such a dream!

Dear friend...

Dear friend, 

I know you are struggling. You think that if you didn’t have to leave your bed, you’d be okay. 

Let me tell you: You are okay. You’re more than okay. You have a gift no one else has. A GREAT light is within you. 

You think too much about a lot of things but you never think about that greatness inside you. You don’t believe me, but I’m telling you it’s true. 

Stay in bed today if that’s what you need, but, tomorrow... welcome the world, accept its good points and bad, smile at the craziness of it all and start turning that light within you ON! 

I’m here for you when things are a little scary and so is your bed, but remember...

 there you are only resting 

because when you've finished resting, there's a world waiting for something only you can give them. 

Lots of love, 

A friend you should listen to. 

Little boosts: why we all need them now and again...

Living with anxiety can be really hard; like a record stuck replaying the same noise over and over and over again. You want to lift the needle and to stop it from scratching but you just can't. I have had some thoughts replaying in my mind for days now and these thoughts were playing in my head over 2 years ago too. You'd think I would have learnt to shut them off or to deal with them but no.

When you've got these negative, draining and irritable thoughts playing on the record of your mind it is nice to have some nice words said to give you a little boost. To have a reminder of the power of good, sincere and uplifting words is a reaaallllyyy nice break from anxious words said to yourself. 

So, here I introduce to you:

Emotional Baggage Check
 

emotionalbaggagecheck.com

 On this website you can Check in emotional baggage and spill some of your worries and thoughts to a stranger. Another person can then choose to Carry it (it being your emotional baggage) and can send you some lovely words back in response. What I particularly love about this website is the element of sending music; when a person responds and chooses to 'carry it' they are expected to send a song along with their message. I don't think I have spoken much about my personal love for music and how much it helps me with my anxiety. I reeaaalllyyy think music is a powerful thing.

Anyway this is what the website states is their purpose:

'The purpose of Emotional Baggage check is to spread a little kindness through music and a heartfelt message. We believe that lyrics and words can lend a little comfort and be an opportunity for expression'

Isn't that lovely? I personally have checked in some of my baggage and I have also carried someone else's baggage and I think of it as a little boost when you need it or when someone else needs it.

Another website I love that certainly gives me a little boost is:
 

 The Pep Talk Generator 

Go there now!!!

This is a project by Babe Vibes and was designed by Kara Haupt and developed by Paige Lewis. If ever you need a pep talk this is the place to go. I love the idea of speaking to someone to encourage, motivate and inspire. I am definitely in need of these lovely, kind, and punchy words to make me believe in myself and what I have to offer the world. It is powerful how words sent from awesome babes can change your thinking even if it is just for a minute (but I really hope it has an everlasting effect).

Please do comment if you know of any other little boosts we all need now and again!! Thank you x

Quote of the Week: Eat, Pray, Love

Hello again!

I haven't blogged in a while because work has really gotten the best of me; I've been too tired to do anything! However, I am now on summer holidays so I can finally pace myself and do more of the things I want/need to do.

This week's quote of the week comes from the book Eat, Pray, Love. This book is full of quotable quotes and really is full of wise words so picking one quote was not very easy.

 I loved reading this book and I would read a chapter at a time when I needed an escape and some words of comfort. Anyone who reads this blog will be aware that I do struggle with anxiety and sometimes depression- as much as I want to be positve sometimes my energy or aura won't allow me to be. This book was a true recollection of a woman who was not in a good place emotionally, mentally or spiritually and plans a journey to Rome, India and Bali to discover and practice the art of pleasure, the art of devotion and the art of balance. I was transported to these countries alongside her and I felt such an escape from my own worries and insecurities. I would like to think that one day I could do something like that- go on a spiritual and physical journey- but for now I think it's best I take little steps to improve my self.

Anyway onto the quote....

I chose this quote as I feel that it highlights our own uniqueness as people. None of us are the same. We are all different. We experience different experiences and we even experience the experiences differently. I sometimes feel bad when I am so different to everyone else, when I am not at the same 'stage of life' as people my age, but I really shouldn't. I need to learn to 'take whatever works from whenever you can find it, and keep moving toward the light'. 

Have any of you read this book? What are your favourite quotes from the book? 

Quote of the Week: Strength

For a while now I have been quietly wishing for more strength.

Anxiety often makes you feel weak, incapable and small and so I wished to be a little stronger.
I wanted to be resilient. To be able to bounce back from any difficulty. To move on from upset. To be a little stronger than I felt I was.

Sometimes anxiety and depression can both seem to be words that contrast with strength. Some people feel that you cannot be both a depressed person and a strong person. I feel like you can. I feel despite my negative patterned mind that I am getting stronger. That I do have strength within me. Anxiety and depression still live within me but they live together with strength.

We are stronger than we know.

Here is a reminder for everyone:

Stop overthinking!!

Yes this is a message to me and anyone else who spends their free time overthinking about everything!! Stop!!

Easier said then done? Of course; isn't that always the truth?

So how do we stop overthinking?

I find pinterest a good place to start. So I type: 'stop overthinking' into the search bar and lovely illustrations, quotes and articles of interest pop up. I do love pinterest.

One picture grabs my attention and I follow the link to this blog post: how to stop overthinking everything = perfect!  I love how the internet can connect you with what you need so easily.

 

 

 

 

Source: http://www.thequietlife.me

This post gives tips on how to stop overthinking which includes:

1) Put it on paper
I like this idea. I think writing down what's on your mind in a way processes it. It makes you see your worries on paper and you can choose, to write down further notes about what you can do to ease these worries, or you could scrunch the paper up and put it in the bin. This visual activity of what your overthinking about could help you stop.

2) Breathe and re-focus
Now I know breathing exercises helps many people but I personally do not find it so helpful. I don't like concentrating on my breathing and I get bored easily and do not take it seriously. So for me, I would change this tip to 2) Close your eyes and listen to music as this makes me sit quietly and focus on the moment.

3) Talk to yourself about it
 I think this is a good tip to try. We can often be hard on ourselves. I know I always think awful things about myself like,  I'm not very good at this; everyone is doing a better job than me; I will always find easy tasks hard; what is wrong with me?  I would never believe those things about anyone else so why myself? If I were to talk to myself I would say, you are better than you think; you have qualities that other people do not have; there is a place for you!

4) Do something
The last tip is to do something. Instead of sitting there overthinking read a book, watch a film, write a blog post or do something to take your mind off things.

Thank you Katherine Tate for your tips! Read her post here: http://www.thequietlife.me/introvert-how-to-stop-overthinking-everything/

Do you have any tips on how to stop overthinking?

Quote of the week!

Sunday afternoon listening to John Mayer sing from my record player- lovely.

Whilst listening to 'Great Indoors' these lyrics jumped out to me.

I've been thinking lately: what is my calling in life? and my answer: I really don't know. I wish I could be on the path towards my passion; I think with that passion my struggle with anxiety would be a little more bearable because I would have something to focus on- something I needed to do. I hate that my anxiety holds me back from being a really awesome version of myself. I don't want to be scared all the time- I want to go outside and explore!!
 Anyone feel the same? What are your passions/dreams/goals?

Shake it off!

Sooo I struggle with anxiety, worries and my messy mind. I am an overthinker and an overanalyser. I cannot flick that switch off. Anyone feel the same way?

Well I'm not claiming that one song will solve all your problems but I am saying that sometimes singing along loudly to an upbeat song with lyrics that you make relevant to you can make you feel good! Even if it is for about 4 minutes!

That is why my Song of the Week and Quote of the Week is: Shake it off!

A couple of months ago I bought this memory board and I was excited to fill it with lots of lovely, positive and happy things.

Well I haven't really done that...yet. So I thought I would attach the message: shake it off to remind me that I need to stop thinking lots of bad, worrisome thoughts and I need to just shake them off!

Firstly, I got my paints out and divided an A4 page into 4 and painted each part a different colour. I do not claim to be an artist; I was just painting for me. Once dried, I decided I would use the bold pink card and I wrote with a black fibre tipped pen the words shake it off.

Here it is:

What should I write on the other colours? Any words that motivate you or make you feel better?

Also, have a read of this if you need more convincing why 'shaking it off' can help you feel better:  http://moodnudges.com/shake-it-off/

Why Zoella is truly an inspiration to many

Zoe Sugg, also known as Zoella, is a popular British blogger and vlogger but she is much more than just that; she is an inspiration to many. 

I first came across Zoe's blog when I typed in "anxiety" and "young people" into google, probably two years ago, and I discovered: Zoella

This post was about anxiety and panic attacks and, although it was a rather long post, I read every word as I felt it was much more relatable than other factual sites about anxiety. I have not suffered with panic attacks and I hope I never will but I do suffer with anxiety and like others, I often feel alone.

Since reading that blog post I have followed Zoella on her social media journey and I have enjoyed peeking into her life and reading her upbeat and positive words. As a young girl, she helped me as I could relate to her, I thought: 'Wow, look at her, she seems confident and happy but she suffers with anxiety. She understands. She knows how hard things can be sometimes.' but most importantly I thought: 'She's okay. She has good days and bad days. Anxiety does not stop her from living' and this is why Zoella is an inspiration.

She is very fitting for her new role as Digital Ambassador for the mental health charity, Mind and I have no doubt she will inspire many. She is young, relatable and most importantly a friendly face!

I am confident people will get behind her to raise awareness for anxiety and panic attacks in her new campaign #DontPanicButton and her aim to show solidarity to anxiety sufferers, to support each other and to be a supportive community. Thank you Zoe!

Sources
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRW9XBiGPdw
http://www.theguardian.com/technology/2014/oct/09/youtube-zoella-mental-health-charity-mind

5 Happy Things!

This week hasn't been the easiest. With more responsibility at work it has unnerved me and made the jittery and anxious me become very scared, low and panicky. So why 5 Happy Things ? Well, simply because that's when we need to pick out the positives and remind ourselves it's not all bad. So here goes...

1. Meeting up with friends
Although, I really didn't feel like going out it was lovely to meet up with friends for some food and a chat. One of my friends and I hadn't seen each other in such a long time that we both had birthday presents to exchange to each other (they should have been given in July). It's nice knowing that someone cares about you and wants to get you something nice to show it. Thank you friends!

2. A little walk looking for the moon
I LOVE the moon! The moon makes me feel calm and it makes me feel that we are all special. We are special because we get to see the moon shining at us and lighting up our dark nights. I have many moon quotes and pictures I could share but I'll save them for another time.

3. Early morning coffee
It's not always nice to wake up early in the morning, especially when you're afraid of what the day has in store for you, but once you're up and you're organised it's nice to sit down, empty your thoughts (or try very hard to) and enjoy some early morning coffee.

4. Trying new things
In this case, it was cheese!! This week, my local town had its annual fair where stalls come from all over the place selling food, clothes, toys, sweets, jewellery and all sorts! One particular stall had some unusual cheeses and the lady invited me over to try them. There was blueberry cheese, madras cheese, caramel cheese, smoked paprika cheese, chive and onion cheese, red port wine cheese and others like red leicester and cheddar. I tried almost all of them and purchased the caramel and smoked paprika ones. Very tasty!

5.Making pizzas
Okay, so I bought the bases ready made but still I didn't buy a pizza. I had fun choosing toppings and sprinkling them on top and the end product was delicious :) I made cheese, tomato and pepperoni pizza and a barbecue, cheese and chicken pizza.

Looking at my 5 happy things it's hard to tell that I had a bad week and most people would consider this a good week but it's my head, my anxiety and my negative thoughts that turn the good into bad. I must try harder to be positive and to change these thoughts for the sake of my mental health!

How has your week been? What are your 5 happy things?

Why sometimes it feels like moaning...

I have had a long summer off and I haven't really been blogging. My intentions for this summer: you can read here.  I feel like I did achieve this. Of course, you cannot just turn off your worries and your anxious and depressive thoughts like a switch (because if you could let's face it we all would) but I feel I was a lot happier than my previous summer, that I worried less about my future and that I really did try to enjoy :) Well done me!

and now it's over. I feel like now everything that I didn't think of in my summer off is flooding back. I feel weaker than before. I feel less capable of being happy and I'm anxious about doing little things. Is this normal? Probably. Does it make it any easier? Only a little. I still feel like I can't imagine a future where I'm happy, where I'm confident, where I'm doing a job I love and where I feel I am good at what I do. I'm still sad. I still feel guilty for being sad and I still compare myself to friends and people my age who I think are doing amazing things with their lives, not just coping but blossoming.

Sometimes, I tell myself this isn't anxiety or depression, this is you moaning! You are ungrateful and lazy and you are not like them because you're not trying. I don't know if this is true but one thing I believe strongly in is you should never make someone feel guilty about being sad. It is not a nice emotion but it is a natural human emotion that we sometimes cannot control. Please don't make people feel guilty for feeling sadness.

Quote of the week!

A year ago, I was in a shop when this book/album appeared to me. It wasn't the quote "People change, memories don't" that compelled me to buy it but the beautiful illustration of the camera.

At the time I wasn't in the best spirits and I thought one day this could cheer me up and I could use it to store happy memories that I've spent with people I love.

Yesterday I started doing just that. I filled a page with pictures and started sorting through my pics to see what else I would like to include in this book.

Anxiety is hard and draining and it takes all of your brain and focuses it on negativity and worry but forcing your brain to remember happy memories you have had can have such a positive effect on you. Sometimes it's hard to think of happy days but try to remember those happier times and believe that there are many more happy memories waiting for you to make.

This week...

This week, I haven't posted my usual Quote of the week or my usual Song of the week posts.
This week, my anxiety was more prominent as I worried about lots of challenges I had to face.
This week, some of those challenges were met with happy, successful results.
This week, some of those challenges didn't turn out so well and are now  repeating in my head making me sad and annoyed at myself.

This week, I read the below words from: Weallmadhere

That’s the wonderfully bothersome thing about the brain, it projects your worst nightmares into reality like an old movie. You can view the screening any time, any place and completely free of charge.

Weallmadhere

 
This is how it feels like a lot of the time with me and my brain. I do not only get to view potential mistakes and nightmares that I could possibly (but not very likely) make but I also view all my past mistakes, failures and embarrassments at any time and any place.

This week, I was grateful to read this. I was grateful to know that I am not alone.

P.s. notice how my happy, successful results of this week are overshadowed by the negatives
 = anxiety :(

Quote of the week!

Hello! It's Monday again...sigh.

My days consist of a positive thought and feeling okay turning into a hundred negative thoughts and feeling like I can't cope. I'm sure that really I am doing okay, more than okay in fact; I am doing good! but sadly I never allow myself to recognise that.

Last week, I went for a walk full of my anxious thoughts and I stopped to admire the wonderful wildflowers growing. I love nature. Simple things like wildflowers can be enough to take your mind off worries for a few seconds and to appreciate the good things in life.

So, this week's quote was inspired by these beautiful wildflowers and was found on pinterest. I rewrote the quote and did a little wildflower doodle :) I feel like we need to allow ourselves to grow, to grow free and to be brave and to blossom in our own time. We are all different and we grow at different rates.

Do you have any flower quotes you would like to share? Please do!