A Quick Hello!

April...4 months into the year, already?

This year...I haven't decided what it is yet. Good? Bad? Is it really fair to put a huge label on a time of flowing emotions?

I have spent a large amount of time being anxious of future happenings and have reflected on most of my time as being unpleasant. Is it my job's fault? Am I not where I'm supposed to be? Or is it, simply but sadly, me? Am I incapable of being positive about my life?


I'm not going to dwell on these thoughts for this post. I just want to say that these thoughts are constantly a part of me. They are why I do not write blog posts. They are why I do not spend time doing things. Happy things. Simple things.

Hopefully it won't be so long until next time!

Summertime Sadness

Here again...

Moaning?
Being Negative?
Ungrateful?
Sad and struggling?


I don't want to write those things. I'm fed up of myself and my bleak thoughts manifesting in writing.
I want to be light and positive and thrilled to be here. I'm aware of how wonderful life is and how lucky I am to have a chance to live it, especially being so blessed. I am thankful for that... really I am!

So i just want you to know although I feel weak in this life I also see the beauty it offers. I see it, I do. One day I will make myself better.

The blues

2016 hasn't been the best. I know, it's still April but I'm feeling meh about the year already. Work has been extra hard, my Gran died and I'm just feeling scared of the future.  I'm writing this in my Easter holidays and although I should be happy to have 2 weeks off I feel like I've had no break at all. No break from worry and sadness :( I don't know if whether, I'm a terrible, ungrateful person or this is depression talking. Either way I need to make more of an effort. I need to make an effort to see the good, to go with the flow and to try to push the worry away.

Here is a reminder to myself:
I am not as bad as I think or say I am. I need to be more positive about myself and my life. Remember:

http://theloveyourselfchallenge.tumblr.com

Dear friend...

Dear friend, 

I know you are struggling. You think that if you didn’t have to leave your bed, you’d be okay. 

Let me tell you: You are okay. You’re more than okay. You have a gift no one else has. A GREAT light is within you. 

You think too much about a lot of things but you never think about that greatness inside you. You don’t believe me, but I’m telling you it’s true. 

Stay in bed today if that’s what you need, but, tomorrow... welcome the world, accept its good points and bad, smile at the craziness of it all and start turning that light within you ON! 

I’m here for you when things are a little scary and so is your bed, but remember...

 there you are only resting 

because when you've finished resting, there's a world waiting for something only you can give them. 

Lots of love, 

A friend you should listen to. 

Little boosts: why we all need them now and again...

Living with anxiety can be really hard; like a record stuck replaying the same noise over and over and over again. You want to lift the needle and to stop it from scratching but you just can't. I have had some thoughts replaying in my mind for days now and these thoughts were playing in my head over 2 years ago too. You'd think I would have learnt to shut them off or to deal with them but no.

When you've got these negative, draining and irritable thoughts playing on the record of your mind it is nice to have some nice words said to give you a little boost. To have a reminder of the power of good, sincere and uplifting words is a reaaallllyyy nice break from anxious words said to yourself. 

So, here I introduce to you:

Emotional Baggage Check
 

emotionalbaggagecheck.com

 On this website you can Check in emotional baggage and spill some of your worries and thoughts to a stranger. Another person can then choose to Carry it (it being your emotional baggage) and can send you some lovely words back in response. What I particularly love about this website is the element of sending music; when a person responds and chooses to 'carry it' they are expected to send a song along with their message. I don't think I have spoken much about my personal love for music and how much it helps me with my anxiety. I reeaaalllyyy think music is a powerful thing.

Anyway this is what the website states is their purpose:

'The purpose of Emotional Baggage check is to spread a little kindness through music and a heartfelt message. We believe that lyrics and words can lend a little comfort and be an opportunity for expression'

Isn't that lovely? I personally have checked in some of my baggage and I have also carried someone else's baggage and I think of it as a little boost when you need it or when someone else needs it.

Another website I love that certainly gives me a little boost is:
 

 The Pep Talk Generator 

Go there now!!!

This is a project by Babe Vibes and was designed by Kara Haupt and developed by Paige Lewis. If ever you need a pep talk this is the place to go. I love the idea of speaking to someone to encourage, motivate and inspire. I am definitely in need of these lovely, kind, and punchy words to make me believe in myself and what I have to offer the world. It is powerful how words sent from awesome babes can change your thinking even if it is just for a minute (but I really hope it has an everlasting effect).

Please do comment if you know of any other little boosts we all need now and again!! Thank you x

Quote of the Week: Eat, Pray, Love

Hello again!

I haven't blogged in a while because work has really gotten the best of me; I've been too tired to do anything! However, I am now on summer holidays so I can finally pace myself and do more of the things I want/need to do.

This week's quote of the week comes from the book Eat, Pray, Love. This book is full of quotable quotes and really is full of wise words so picking one quote was not very easy.

 I loved reading this book and I would read a chapter at a time when I needed an escape and some words of comfort. Anyone who reads this blog will be aware that I do struggle with anxiety and sometimes depression- as much as I want to be positve sometimes my energy or aura won't allow me to be. This book was a true recollection of a woman who was not in a good place emotionally, mentally or spiritually and plans a journey to Rome, India and Bali to discover and practice the art of pleasure, the art of devotion and the art of balance. I was transported to these countries alongside her and I felt such an escape from my own worries and insecurities. I would like to think that one day I could do something like that- go on a spiritual and physical journey- but for now I think it's best I take little steps to improve my self.

Anyway onto the quote....

I chose this quote as I feel that it highlights our own uniqueness as people. None of us are the same. We are all different. We experience different experiences and we even experience the experiences differently. I sometimes feel bad when I am so different to everyone else, when I am not at the same 'stage of life' as people my age, but I really shouldn't. I need to learn to 'take whatever works from whenever you can find it, and keep moving toward the light'. 

Have any of you read this book? What are your favourite quotes from the book? 

Quote of the Week: Strength

For a while now I have been quietly wishing for more strength.

Anxiety often makes you feel weak, incapable and small and so I wished to be a little stronger.
I wanted to be resilient. To be able to bounce back from any difficulty. To move on from upset. To be a little stronger than I felt I was.

Sometimes anxiety and depression can both seem to be words that contrast with strength. Some people feel that you cannot be both a depressed person and a strong person. I feel like you can. I feel despite my negative patterned mind that I am getting stronger. That I do have strength within me. Anxiety and depression still live within me but they live together with strength.

We are stronger than we know.

Here is a reminder for everyone:

Stop overthinking!!

Yes this is a message to me and anyone else who spends their free time overthinking about everything!! Stop!!

Easier said then done? Of course; isn't that always the truth?

So how do we stop overthinking?

I find pinterest a good place to start. So I type: 'stop overthinking' into the search bar and lovely illustrations, quotes and articles of interest pop up. I do love pinterest.

One picture grabs my attention and I follow the link to this blog post: how to stop overthinking everything = perfect!  I love how the internet can connect you with what you need so easily.

 

 

 

 

Source: http://www.thequietlife.me

This post gives tips on how to stop overthinking which includes:

1) Put it on paper
I like this idea. I think writing down what's on your mind in a way processes it. It makes you see your worries on paper and you can choose, to write down further notes about what you can do to ease these worries, or you could scrunch the paper up and put it in the bin. This visual activity of what your overthinking about could help you stop.

2) Breathe and re-focus
Now I know breathing exercises helps many people but I personally do not find it so helpful. I don't like concentrating on my breathing and I get bored easily and do not take it seriously. So for me, I would change this tip to 2) Close your eyes and listen to music as this makes me sit quietly and focus on the moment.

3) Talk to yourself about it
 I think this is a good tip to try. We can often be hard on ourselves. I know I always think awful things about myself like,  I'm not very good at this; everyone is doing a better job than me; I will always find easy tasks hard; what is wrong with me?  I would never believe those things about anyone else so why myself? If I were to talk to myself I would say, you are better than you think; you have qualities that other people do not have; there is a place for you!

4) Do something
The last tip is to do something. Instead of sitting there overthinking read a book, watch a film, write a blog post or do something to take your mind off things.

Thank you Katherine Tate for your tips! Read her post here: http://www.thequietlife.me/introvert-how-to-stop-overthinking-everything/

Do you have any tips on how to stop overthinking?

Why sometimes it feels like moaning...

I have had a long summer off and I haven't really been blogging. My intentions for this summer: you can read here.  I feel like I did achieve this. Of course, you cannot just turn off your worries and your anxious and depressive thoughts like a switch (because if you could let's face it we all would) but I feel I was a lot happier than my previous summer, that I worried less about my future and that I really did try to enjoy :) Well done me!

and now it's over. I feel like now everything that I didn't think of in my summer off is flooding back. I feel weaker than before. I feel less capable of being happy and I'm anxious about doing little things. Is this normal? Probably. Does it make it any easier? Only a little. I still feel like I can't imagine a future where I'm happy, where I'm confident, where I'm doing a job I love and where I feel I am good at what I do. I'm still sad. I still feel guilty for being sad and I still compare myself to friends and people my age who I think are doing amazing things with their lives, not just coping but blossoming.

Sometimes, I tell myself this isn't anxiety or depression, this is you moaning! You are ungrateful and lazy and you are not like them because you're not trying. I don't know if this is true but one thing I believe strongly in is you should never make someone feel guilty about being sad. It is not a nice emotion but it is a natural human emotion that we sometimes cannot control. Please don't make people feel guilty for feeling sadness.

Quote of the week!

A year ago, I was in a shop when this book/album appeared to me. It wasn't the quote "People change, memories don't" that compelled me to buy it but the beautiful illustration of the camera.

At the time I wasn't in the best spirits and I thought one day this could cheer me up and I could use it to store happy memories that I've spent with people I love.

Yesterday I started doing just that. I filled a page with pictures and started sorting through my pics to see what else I would like to include in this book.

Anxiety is hard and draining and it takes all of your brain and focuses it on negativity and worry but forcing your brain to remember happy memories you have had can have such a positive effect on you. Sometimes it's hard to think of happy days but try to remember those happier times and believe that there are many more happy memories waiting for you to make.

Quote of the week!

Hi- it's summer! I have a lot of time off before I go back to work and instead of finding something 'worthwhile' to do, i.e. getting a summer job, volunteering etc., I am going to truly do something worthwhile.
 I am going to look after me.

I normally worry all over summer. I worry that I am wasting time; that I should be doing something to help my career or I worry that I will have no career and that I am doing nothing to help myself. Well, this summer, I vow to do neither. I am going to try not to worry about me, my career and my life and whether I will be okay or not, and I am going to try to be positive and happy.  

I am going to try to fight this depression that I sometimes find myself immersing in and I am going to do things that make me happy. I hope to drink more water, go for more walks, eat healthier and to enjoy the simple things.

So, here is my quote of the week which serves as a reminder of what I shall try to do each day:

Also, as I was looking for a quote this week, I came across this work of art on Pinterest (don't you just love that site?) and I thought it was a lovely, uplifting piece that I had to share on my blog. The creator Lori Portka has a page on etsy with lots more lovely pieces -Take a look!

 

(Source:  May You Wake up with Gratitude by Lori Portka )

P.s This is my first Weekly Wishes Link up! :)

What anxiety is for me

We all get anxious at some points in our lives but some of us are more anxious than others. While there are different types of anxiety disorders I have never named my anxiety. What I mean by this is I have never been to the doctors and spoke about my anxiety for someone to tell me what it is I suffer from; maybe I should but I haven't. I have always been a shy worrying child but it is only since I have grown up that I've considered that I suffer with anxiety. I am an overthinker who lets my anxious mind stop me from making the most of my life; this is how I suffer. I worry every day about little things that seem silly to a lot of people and I sometimes avoid situations because I'm just too anxious. I really suffered with it not so long ago where a situation of unemployment + anxiety + hopelessness = depression (I'll speak about this again in another post some time). It was a really tough time and I'm glad I'm getting better but anxiety still affects me.

Anxiety, for me, is an uncontrollable and overwhelming record of worries repeating over and over and over in my head like a bad song.

What is anxiety for you? Please share in the comments below or feel free to email me at em.thoseknots@hotmail.com                
Em x

Sunday woes

I've never really been a big fan of Sundays (unless it's bank holiday weekend!). There's something about them that just make my anxiety and depression worst. That feeling of dread when you have a whole week of anxieties ahead of you is not nice.

So what are these woes that I am feeling?

- I'm worried I am not good enough to face this week's challenges.
- I have a course this week that requires interaction with people and I'm really scared/nervous. I hate pressured situations that expect you to come up with answers on the spot and play games or interact in a 'fun' way. I am shy, and sometimes quiet, and this scares me.
- I feel like a little girl unable to take on the world and sometimes I just want to stay in and hide.

Do these feelings sound familiar to you? What are your Sunday woes?

Here's to us all having a good week and overcoming those rainclouds lingering in our heads!