I have had a long summer off and I haven't really been blogging. My intentions for this summer: you can read here. I feel like I did achieve this. Of course, you cannot just turn off your worries and your anxious and depressive thoughts like a switch (because if you could let's face it we all would) but I feel I was a lot happier than my previous summer, that I worried less about my future and that I really did try to enjoy :) Well done me!
and now it's over. I feel like now everything that I didn't think of in my summer off is flooding back. I feel weaker than before. I feel less capable of being happy and I'm anxious about doing little things. Is this normal? Probably. Does it make it any easier? Only a little. I still feel like I can't imagine a future where I'm happy, where I'm confident, where I'm doing a job I love and where I feel I am good at what I do. I'm still sad. I still feel guilty for being sad and I still compare myself to friends and people my age who I think are doing amazing things with their lives, not just coping but blossoming.
Sometimes, I tell myself this isn't anxiety or depression, this is you moaning! You are ungrateful and lazy and you are not like them because you're not trying. I don't know if this is true but one thing I believe strongly in is you should never make someone feel guilty about being sad. It is not a nice emotion but it is a natural human emotion that we sometimes cannot control. Please don't make people feel guilty for feeling sadness.