October Catch Up

And so we have reached the end of October...

Work has been tiring and hard. I'm still adjusting to change and still struggling with where I am. I don't know if I am deliberately being negative or if I am right and reacting to a position that does not bring out the best in me.That said...

Life has been good. I cannot complain about life itself. I have had good times with family and friends; moments of pure joy. I have enjoyed laughing in the cinema, coffee with like-minded people, reading a new book, shopping with my mam, experiencing fantastic live music, drinking sparkling wine and eating lovely food.

Yet, I still get those waves of sadness and melancholy and my eyes automatically fill with tears when I notice the hardness of life...the weight of living. I feel guilty saying that when so many are truly suffering but I just feel that sometimes I am a little weaker than most- too fragile.

Anyway!
Happy post to follow

The blues

2016 hasn't been the best. I know, it's still April but I'm feeling meh about the year already. Work has been extra hard, my Gran died and I'm just feeling scared of the future.  I'm writing this in my Easter holidays and although I should be happy to have 2 weeks off I feel like I've had no break at all. No break from worry and sadness :( I don't know if whether, I'm a terrible, ungrateful person or this is depression talking. Either way I need to make more of an effort. I need to make an effort to see the good, to go with the flow and to try to push the worry away.

Here is a reminder to myself:
I am not as bad as I think or say I am. I need to be more positive about myself and my life. Remember:

http://theloveyourselfchallenge.tumblr.com

2015

Remember my anxieties for 2015...( hello January )
Well it turned out pretty good!

I feel so thankful that I made it through things that I was completely scared about and felt incapable to do. I'm thankful that other people see something in me, that sometimes, I don't see myself and I'm thankful that the universe takes me places that I wouldn't normally volunteer to go. Of course anxiety has accompanied me through every step of 2015 but I still did things that quite frankly I'm proud of.

So here's my little recap of 2015:

January

-I started working full time (1/2 student, 1/2 real work)
-A friend's engagement party 
-Coffee with friends 
-Lunches in town with mam

February 

-Had a nice meal at Prezzo with friends on Valentine's day
-Made some Nutella and strawberry filled pancakes 
-Coffee with colleagues
-Eastenders LIVE





March

-Celebrated a friend's birthday with an indian 
-Got offered a job :)
-A cold and windy walk on the beach 
-Bought myself a new laptop

April

-Easter dinner and games 
-Sunny day in Cardiff
-We had baby chicks in work 
-Ben Howard in concert

 May

-Gerard's last game for Liverpool
-Eurovision, nibbles and Desperado (Sweden won!)
-Went to see Pitch Perfect 2 in cinema

June  

-Bought James Bay's Chaos and the Calm
-Started watching the series Humans
- A walk around Craig-y-nos


July

-Celebrated my birthday with a day trip to Gloucester
-Red arrows
-Fruit coolers in Costa


August

-Beach walk
-Went to see Jurassic World in the cinema
-Day out with friends in Tenby

September 

-Family wedding 
- Unemployment and feelings of guilt
-Went to see Dreamboats and Miniskirts
-Lunar eclipse


October

- Went to see Blood Brothers 
- Back in work  
-Went to a friend's Hen do

November

-  A friend's wedding
- Afternoon tea with friends
- Food in Mamma Mia's

December 

-Christmas do
-Scary interview but I got the job!
-Bought myself an iphone6 
- Night out with friends
- A lovely Christmas with family  

Dear friend...

Dear friend, 

I know you are struggling. You think that if you didn’t have to leave your bed, you’d be okay. 

Let me tell you: You are okay. You’re more than okay. You have a gift no one else has. A GREAT light is within you. 

You think too much about a lot of things but you never think about that greatness inside you. You don’t believe me, but I’m telling you it’s true. 

Stay in bed today if that’s what you need, but, tomorrow... welcome the world, accept its good points and bad, smile at the craziness of it all and start turning that light within you ON! 

I’m here for you when things are a little scary and so is your bed, but remember...

 there you are only resting 

because when you've finished resting, there's a world waiting for something only you can give them. 

Lots of love, 

A friend you should listen to. 

Quote of the Week: Strength

For a while now I have been quietly wishing for more strength.

Anxiety often makes you feel weak, incapable and small and so I wished to be a little stronger.
I wanted to be resilient. To be able to bounce back from any difficulty. To move on from upset. To be a little stronger than I felt I was.

Sometimes anxiety and depression can both seem to be words that contrast with strength. Some people feel that you cannot be both a depressed person and a strong person. I feel like you can. I feel despite my negative patterned mind that I am getting stronger. That I do have strength within me. Anxiety and depression still live within me but they live together with strength.

We are stronger than we know.

Here is a reminder for everyone:

Hello January

January always marks an end and a beginning. I read somewhere that January is named after the Roman God Janus who had two faces; one to look into the past and one to look into the future. I feel that this is very appropriate for January as I personally always find it a time of reflection, of the year that has past us by and come to an end, and a time of worry for the year ahead.

I had a good 2014. A very good 2014. I grew and developed and learned new skills. I faced challenges and overcame them. I had fun with family and friends and I stored some great memories. Thank you 2014!

2015  I am a little scared. What's in store? I still feel incapable. I still feel weak. What if I can't handle it? What if something awful is going to happen? WHAT IF, OH NO, I CAN'T, NOT ME, WORRY, FEAR, SADNESS.

The funny thing is I felt this in 2013 looking forwards into 2014 but.... I had a good 2014. A very good 2014. I grew and developed and learned new skills. I faced challenges and overcame them. I had fun with family and friends and I stored some great memories. Thank you 2014! 


So this is my quote of the New Year from Erin Hanson who I only discovered today. She writes with such beautiful spirit; check her out here 

 My wish this year for all of us is that we try not to worry about the what ifs of the year but instead let us have a year full of glorious and happy present moments. Let the year be filled with love, light and peace!

A lovely blog post

For this week's Quote of the Week I am sharing a blog post that I came across by Jessica Swift.
I feel there is nothing more to add as her words and her art say everything that is needed to hear. Such a beautiful post and words that I need to remember.

 

Please check out this post: 

 http://www.jessicaswift.com