A Quick Hello!

April...4 months into the year, already?

This year...I haven't decided what it is yet. Good? Bad? Is it really fair to put a huge label on a time of flowing emotions?

I have spent a large amount of time being anxious of future happenings and have reflected on most of my time as being unpleasant. Is it my job's fault? Am I not where I'm supposed to be? Or is it, simply but sadly, me? Am I incapable of being positive about my life?


I'm not going to dwell on these thoughts for this post. I just want to say that these thoughts are constantly a part of me. They are why I do not write blog posts. They are why I do not spend time doing things. Happy things. Simple things.

Hopefully it won't be so long until next time!

2016

I am not going to use this post to write about all the horrible things that have happened this year. Instead I shall keep it short and sweet and just sum up some lovely things that have happened this year.

• Signing up to Netflix has actually been a highlight of 2016. I have been able to feel cosy and safe tucked up in bed and forget about all the sadness. I've managed to catch up completely with Pretty Little Liars which I've loved!! 
• I remember having a lovely meal with prosecco in Prezzo with two of my closest friends just randomly one day in April. We discovered the snapchat filters and laughed and laughed.
• A windy beach walk with my family 
• Having a night out on a bank holiday Sunday - a nice break amongst a school term. 
• Having drinks to celebrate my Dad achieving something he should be very proud of 
• Having a laugh in work and admiring a certain footballer who made a visit 
• Random trip to Caerphilly Castle  (Lush!)
• My Little box surprising me for a couple of months
• Lovely country pub lunch, a nice walk and a relaxing bath all in one day in May
• Cookie dough mmmm 
• Watching Wales in the Euros with beer and nice food
• Starbucks in the sun 
• Bought my first ever Mac lipstick
• Watching the musical The Sound of Music
• A beautiful bonfire
• Discovering I like poached eggs
• Bridget Jones in the cinema- so funny!
• Great live music from a local band
• Great live music from Bastille
• Reading inspiring books 

October Catch Up

And so we have reached the end of October...

Work has been tiring and hard. I'm still adjusting to change and still struggling with where I am. I don't know if I am deliberately being negative or if I am right and reacting to a position that does not bring out the best in me.That said...

Life has been good. I cannot complain about life itself. I have had good times with family and friends; moments of pure joy. I have enjoyed laughing in the cinema, coffee with like-minded people, reading a new book, shopping with my mam, experiencing fantastic live music, drinking sparkling wine and eating lovely food.

Yet, I still get those waves of sadness and melancholy and my eyes automatically fill with tears when I notice the hardness of life...the weight of living. I feel guilty saying that when so many are truly suffering but I just feel that sometimes I am a little weaker than most- too fragile.

Anyway!
Happy post to follow

5 things to look forward to

Okay so usually when I am looking forward it is to worry about something. I very rarely focus on the present and my mind constantly wanders to the fearful future ahh BUT not in this post it won't!

Instead here is 5 positive things to look forward to (Yay!)

1.  Bake off is back! and we have weeks of biscuits, cakes, innuendos and showstoppers left to enjoy
I can't wait to get to know the contestants, to see wonderful creations and not so wonderful creations and to cosy up watching this treat every week.

2. Autumn/Winter Menus in coffee shops
I love Costa especially in the colder months when you can have a praline latte or a white hot chocolate or one of their special seasonal cakes. I can't wait to see what's in store!

3. OneRepublic's new album Oh My My 
I have always been a big, big fan of Ryan Tedder and OneRepublic; to me they are music at its best. I'm excited to discover new favourite songs and to listen to great music.

4. Bastille on tour and coming to Cardiff
Unfortunately not many artists seem to include Cardiff in their UK tours :( which means I haven't had many opportunities to hear great music live and to enjoy the 'concert experience' but.... Bastille are and I have booked tickets to see them!

5. Fantastic Beasts And Where To Find Them 
Who isn't excited for this film to come to cinema? and if November 17 is too far away Bridget Jones's Baby is out September 16 apparently. They couldn't be more different films but I would love to see both in cinema.


What are you looking forward to? Let me know :)

Summertime Sadness

Here again...

Moaning?
Being Negative?
Ungrateful?
Sad and struggling?


I don't want to write those things. I'm fed up of myself and my bleak thoughts manifesting in writing.
I want to be light and positive and thrilled to be here. I'm aware of how wonderful life is and how lucky I am to have a chance to live it, especially being so blessed. I am thankful for that... really I am!

So i just want you to know although I feel weak in this life I also see the beauty it offers. I see it, I do. One day I will make myself better.

My thoughts on: Quiet by Susan Cain

I have recently finished reading the book Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking and throughout I have found myself reflecting on the words along the way. So, here I am, an introvert as I now will proudly call myself, reflecting on and giving thanks to this book.

Along the way I have found myself nodding along, taking notes and replying aloud usually something like "That's me!". This book has not not only helped me understand myself better but it has also empowered me to feel good about myself. I would describe myself as quiet, sensitive and sometimes shy and before reading this book I would have most certainly have felt that these attributes were 'weaknesses'. The society I live in praises and commends extroverts while pushing introverts to become more extroverted. I've always felt like a minority and often find it hard to find someone like me, someone I realise who is more introverted and sensitive than others. Believing that there is something wrong with me, or that I am not as good as my extrovert society believes me to be, is where a lot of my anxiety comes from. My anxiety is strong when I think I am weak. This book, however, has made me think of myself differently and to see what I thought were 'weaknesses' as amazing qualities to feel proud of.

I am quiet. I am highly sensitive. I do love music, nature and art. I do feel strong emotions and I do avoid the news and violent movies because I am highly empathetic. This is me...but is there something wrong with being this way? No.


Also, I am sad about the decision a majority in my country voted for this week. I do not like to discuss politics and I'm not going to but what I would like to say is... I, personally, will continue to love and support the EU. 

Happy bursts

Living with anxiety is just that: life with anxiety in it. It becomes a part of you and sometimes we forget about the other parts of life that is not anxiety. I'm probably not making sense to most who read this but anyway, the point I'm trying to make is anxiety can consume you sometimes and other times you can have the chance to observe other things like... happiness.

Here are my observations of happiness:

• The sun - it is lovely to see you again :)
• The sky- day and night you are beautiful
• Beautiful green nature 
• Family 
• Spontaneous trips with family 
• Feeling comfortable with others 
• Yummy dessert and drinks 
• Appreciating art, architecture, history and culture
• Celebrating
• New music
• Old music
• Europe and the Eurovision (Yes, I am a fan)
• Reading and learning and being inspired
• Sleep
• Not thinking ahead so much but living in the moment 
• Reflecting on good times
• Surprise box in the mail with lovely treats 
• Taking pictures

In what form has happiness visited you lately?